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Why is it that only women try to improve their marriage? (2)

Posted: 26 days ago | In: Relationship, Spiritual Intelligence

Continuing from the last post, we saw reasons why many men don’t see the need to improve their relationship. We also understood that it’s not effective for a woman to go head to head with her husband trying to change him by force. It is better to develop strategies and deal with each negative or complacent attitude.

Obviously, before you develop a proper strategy, identify which of the six situations, mentioned in the last post, you are trying to overcome. Then you will know what attitudes to take. Let’s consider each attitude and explore the options to know how to deal with them. Basically, you have to learn to think a little bit like a man. (Notice: some of the advice might hurt. But if you practice it, you will solve the problem.) So let’s go:

1^st SITUATION: Women tend to be more demanding than men; that is why they complain more. Men tend to complain only when their most basic needs are not being met.

Let’s be honest: except for rare exceptions, it’s easier to make a man happy than a woman. Don’t get me wrong ladies. It’s just a fact. Men are simpler, they’re satisfied with little, and they don’t usually see details or little problems. What to her seems like a huge problem to him is something silly. That’s where women start to lose because they are not able to make a man understand that there is a problem.

What to do?

First of all, reduce your demands and complaints for the small things. Learn to be selective of the arguments you get into (hint: the majority aren’t worth it.) When you complain a lot and are too demanding (also known as bossy,) in time your husband will start to tune out what you say and will turn his focus from you to other more interesting things. He will start to think of you as an ungrateful and annoying woman. In other words, you shoot yourself in the foot when you complain.

I agree with Andy Rooney when he says:

For most of life, nothing wonderful happens. If you don’t enjoy getting up and working and finishing your work and sitting down to a meal with family or friends, then the chances are that you’re not going to be very happy. If someone bases his happiness or unhappiness on major events like a great new job, huge amounts of money, a flawlessly happy marriage or a trip to Paris, that person isn’t going to be happy much of the time. If, on the other hand, happiness depends on a good breakfast, flowers in the yard, a drink or a nap, then we are more likely to live with quite a bit of happiness.

Please note: through this text, I’m not trying to say that you should be satisfied with a marriage on the rocks or a problematic life. But that you should learn to celebrate the little things, recognize what’s good between the two of you, don’t feed your frustrations with idealistic comparisons or overwhelm your partner with demands.

This will generate more happiness and less tension between the two of you. And, in this setting you’ve created, you can stimulate your husband to become better as you want.

In the next post, we will explore the options for situations 2 and 3 of the previous post. They will require a bit more courage Rosilda.

 From www.renatocardoso.com

Why is it that only women try to improve their marriage?

Posted: 8 days ago | In: Spiritual Intelligence

Why is it that only women try to improve their marriage? Why aren’t men the same way? I’ve been married for 4 years and I’m always the one who wants to make things better at home. My husband is not even interested in reading an article about marriage. And, when I ask him to, he says that such things are stupid. How can I change this situation? Rosilda, through Facebook.com/CasamentoBlindado

Attention all women in this situation!

First of all, let’s correct the impression that only women try to improve their marriage. In defense to men, there are many who want this and fight for it too. I’m a testimony to that. So, let’s not generalize. But it is true that normally women are the ones who look to improve their marriage. There are many reasons for this.

Here are six:

1. Women tend to be more demanding than men; that’s why they complain more. Men tend to complain only when their most basic needs are not being met.
2. Why is he satisfied with the basic, he doesn’t perceive the need to improve. That’s why when she complains, he thinks she’s just being annoying.
3. A man’s philosophy seems to be: “If the team is winning, why mess with the game plan?” If he is winning what he wants, he doesn’t see the need to tamper with things.
4. Men fear being dominated by women, if they succumb to a woman’s will. That’s why he resists her request, though he knows she is probably right.
5. Masculine pride makes him resist the idea of learning something about marriage, which according to him is a subject that he knows all about, in his mind. (Rosilda, that’s why he doesn’t even want to read articles on the subject.)
6. In his circle of friends, when there are no women around, the “macho man” described above is exalted. That’s why, the man who’s easily influenced tries to live out this role at home so that he can show his buddies that he’s the boss.

Women who are more perceptive and wise will quickly deduce that it’s useless to go head to head against this masculine mentality. Those who try usually end up hurt. It’s much more effective to develop strategies to deal with each one of her husband’s attitudes.

Tomorrow we will speak about these strategies. Deep breaths Rosilda, wait just one more day!

But oh yes, a request to all Rosildas: Why do you think your husband is like this? Why doesn’t he want the relationship to be better? What do you think goes through his head? Leave your comments below…

To all the husbands of Rosildas out there: Why are you like this, or why were you like this? If your wife complains about your relationship, why do you think you don’t need to change or do anything about it? Let’s see both sides of this debate; men let us know what you think… Leave your contribution here!

Message taken from www.renatocardoso.com

10 requests of every husband

Posted: 70 days ago | In: Relationship

1. Do not raise your voice when we speak. Your sweet voice has much more effect.
2. If I haven’t given you a reason, don’t accuse me of flirting with another woman.
3. Dress sexy just for me.
4. Sometimes I’m really not thinking about anything. Believe me.
5. You can take your time to get ready, as long as we leave at the agreed time.
6. Do not expose me before others. Play for our team, not against it.
7. Never let me be the last to know.
8. Let me hunt 80% of the time. The other 20% you hunt me (I like being hunted occasionally too).
9. You deserve everything there is at the mall. Really. But remember that our card has a limit.
10. Let’s stop fighting about the toilet lid. If it’s up, you put it down. After all, when it is down, I put it up.

 source: www.renatocardoso.com

Mistakes we made early on in our marriage p4